he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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