So drunk, too bad you don't want this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
