Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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