I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
