I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
