So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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