everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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