Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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