she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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