yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
