New low: just hacked my moms facebook
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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