so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.