i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi