So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever