can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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