I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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