It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
