I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
