i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize