She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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