It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
