i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
