google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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