I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
