does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
