it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober