College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates