I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.