and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.