My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later