This is not my ceiling
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.