Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
