the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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