how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
