Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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