I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
