i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
