ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
