I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Enjoy the penises
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
