his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
