I'm jealous of your bromance
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
