I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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