Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
