Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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