I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
