all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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