at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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