i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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