In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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