hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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