do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
