I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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