i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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