i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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