we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
