So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
