she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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