You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
