he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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