That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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