we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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