yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
