I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
ok first of all what the fuck
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
