is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
