Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
