Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
