i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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