absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
